Today is Lorenzo's birthday...
I'm ashamed to admit that I forgot all about it. The first I remembered it was his birthday, was when Eileen texted me from the hospital to wish him. I know he's only three and doesn't truly get the importance of what his birthday, but he does know that it is special and that it is a cause for celebration - something his own father forgot.
I have reasons for my forgetfulness. Excuses. We're trying to deal with Leonardo's birth. It's been a rush. He's in intensive care. I've been driving around town like a Southey Taxi driver... but deep down, it doesn't help. There are so many years ahead of us where I will ask Enzo to make sacrifices for his brother, and vice versa, but I didn't expect to start on day 3.
He's been a soldier these past few days. He's taken the constant driving and shaking-up of his routine in his stride. He only really complained when I pulled him away from this mother as we left the hospital each night - and then only until we reached the car. He could have really been tough for me these past few days but somehow he senses that what is happening is important and what I need from him. It's nothing to love your child - that's inbuilt. It's biology.
A long time ago, I learnt to LIKE my son. As a person, I really like his personality, his outlook and how he sees the world.
In the past few days, I've come to respect him.
As I look at my son, I always sense the weight of time showing me my father looking at me, when I was young. I knew he loved me, no question. I think he liked me - even if I wasn't always so likeable. But I wonder if he respected me. Did I give him enough before he died to look on me with respect? If not, has he seen enough since then?
I'm ashamed to admit that I forgot all about it. The first I remembered it was his birthday, was when Eileen texted me from the hospital to wish him. I know he's only three and doesn't truly get the importance of what his birthday, but he does know that it is special and that it is a cause for celebration - something his own father forgot.
I have reasons for my forgetfulness. Excuses. We're trying to deal with Leonardo's birth. It's been a rush. He's in intensive care. I've been driving around town like a Southey Taxi driver... but deep down, it doesn't help. There are so many years ahead of us where I will ask Enzo to make sacrifices for his brother, and vice versa, but I didn't expect to start on day 3.
He's been a soldier these past few days. He's taken the constant driving and shaking-up of his routine in his stride. He only really complained when I pulled him away from this mother as we left the hospital each night - and then only until we reached the car. He could have really been tough for me these past few days but somehow he senses that what is happening is important and what I need from him. It's nothing to love your child - that's inbuilt. It's biology.
A long time ago, I learnt to LIKE my son. As a person, I really like his personality, his outlook and how he sees the world.
In the past few days, I've come to respect him.
As I look at my son, I always sense the weight of time showing me my father looking at me, when I was young. I knew he loved me, no question. I think he liked me - even if I wasn't always so likeable. But I wonder if he respected me. Did I give him enough before he died to look on me with respect? If not, has he seen enough since then?
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