In the last twenty fours, Lorenzo has been having some problems. For a guy who has been around for a month and had no issues whatsoever - I figured he was due. He's been having some reflux and has been dreadfully uncomfortable. Things got so bad for him that we took him to the hospital and in the course of all this - something terrible happened. Necessary - but terrible.
Part of the joy and miracle of a baby is the complete trust and love that they regard everything with. In the absence of experiences to the contrary, every moment is a cause for wonder and learning. While I enjoy all of the beautiful moments - it has been horrible to see him experience and learn from pain.
The act of suckling or eating is a cause for soothing and a bringer of calm to children. Enzo's reflux flared while he ate and during the course of his discomfort, he learned to fear the act of eating. It broke my heart to watch him struggle with that. Wanting to eat but being fearful of the pain and then feeling the burning flare up in his chest; taught him to be hesitant of eating.
He seems to be recovering from his bout of reflux but it took him longer to return to eating whole-heartedly. I never thought something like this would effect me so deeply. In the past few years, I've come to understand that I made my may way in the world by using my fear and my anger - thinking it was the only way to be. I've since learned that there is another way - one based in love and joy and one that can make you equally, or more, powerful.
My heart hopes for the latter rather than the former for Enzo - but my brain tells me there is a time and place for both.
Part of the joy and miracle of a baby is the complete trust and love that they regard everything with. In the absence of experiences to the contrary, every moment is a cause for wonder and learning. While I enjoy all of the beautiful moments - it has been horrible to see him experience and learn from pain.
The act of suckling or eating is a cause for soothing and a bringer of calm to children. Enzo's reflux flared while he ate and during the course of his discomfort, he learned to fear the act of eating. It broke my heart to watch him struggle with that. Wanting to eat but being fearful of the pain and then feeling the burning flare up in his chest; taught him to be hesitant of eating.
He seems to be recovering from his bout of reflux but it took him longer to return to eating whole-heartedly. I never thought something like this would effect me so deeply. In the past few years, I've come to understand that I made my may way in the world by using my fear and my anger - thinking it was the only way to be. I've since learned that there is another way - one based in love and joy and one that can make you equally, or more, powerful.
My heart hopes for the latter rather than the former for Enzo - but my brain tells me there is a time and place for both.
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