Mother Nature calls us failures.

My wife was presented with Mother Nature's monthly gift today. It is not the brightest day for us and knowing my wife as I do, I have left her to deal with it alone.

I am like most men. This simple incident means very little to us and we deal with it as if it means very little. In the grand scheme of things, it probably bears little significance for our efforts and it will soon be forgotten - but I am reminded of all the baggage that my wife, and all women, carry with them by the time they reach thirty years old.


She is probably sitting on the bed fighting off demons that sing the mean-spirited words that have been spoken aloud and whispered about for centuries about all women by all women. Why do we do such things to our daughters?

The fears that she will not be able to have a child, the fears that she is barren. All of these things creep into your mind when women have been telling you your whole life - "Don't wait too long to have kids!", "Wait too long and you won't be able to have any!", "Look at Carrie, she's had two beautiful children already!"
All of this carries such pressure with it.
And the shrillness that overshadows our efforts come in part from that - and, I admit, from the thought that it is all true. My fear comes to me in the form of the thought that I will not be able to see my wife be pregnant in the way that we both want. I don't think I could bear for that to happen.

For you men out there, maybe we can understand the stigma attached to this if we imagine having something as personal as erectile dysfunction out there for all to talk about. Even this doesn't do justice to what I see happening around me everyday.

I saw something two weeks ago that gave me some greater understanding.
I was at a birthday party for some children. They must have been between 4 and 6 years old.
At some point, some of the fathers set up a game where the children took turns trying to throw the ball the farthest. The kids barged and jockeyed into position to give it a shot.
It's not the father's fault, they do what their fathers did and they don't know better.

I remember one child stepping up and trying with all his might to hurl the ball. It didn't go far and other children began to laugh. The boy turned to his father, with apology in his eyes.
The man quickly turned to pretend that he hadn't seen his son's failure and all of the other fathers pretended that they hadn't seen the man see his son's throw. An unwritten rule was being played out in front of me and I realized that this had happened many times to children all around me while I grew up.

That boy scampered off to seek the comfort of his mother for his failure and his father continued to disavow any knowledge of the throw or failure. But from that moment forward it is understood that that man can never talk about sports and children to any of the men that were there that day. For those type of men, for how their heads work, a hierarchy had been created.

I hope, I hope, that when we have children, I can do better than my father.