Frankly, today was not a good day...
Work, home, family, passions, past-times - with so many interests, it is difficult to always have a good day with all of them - but sometimes the hits come hard and fast - and for the past few weeks, the hits have just kept coming...
I won't go into details, they're boring and less relevant than my continuing thoughts on the topic. Suffice it to say, a few things have transpired to make me question some of the decisions I have recently made. Flushed with ambition, and a sense of adventure, I chose a course. Not the wisest, certainly, but then I have always trusted my mojo more than my sense of satisfaction in the status quo.
Strangely, the choice and the reasons for my choice remain valid - I still believe that good can come from it and will strive to make the best of it all. But through it all, I am learning a few things...
Many of you will know that I have lived my life by the mantra, "You condone what you tolerate." This has served me well in my personal and professional life. That refusal to tolerate the slights and insults as I walk through life has caused me to make rash decisions and seek solutions in a 'black and white' way. Someone once told me that I live 'a vengeful life'. I prefer to think that I have high expectations, both of myself and those I interact with... Perhaps, it is a little of both.
Today, in the wake of further disappointments, I was able to take a step back from it all without jumping into a response or making rash decisions. Some of that comes from having Eileen at hand to bounce ideas off (although her Latin blood seems to boil all the more easily now that she is pregnant)... But mostly, my context for every move and decision seems to be Lorenzo's imminent arrival.
You may expect me to say that the greater responsibility has made me see things more sedately or wisely - but it is quite the opposite. I see everything in my day through the filter of how I would teach him what I have learned over the years. Swamped by all the ways I could convey positive lessons and all the ways I could screw him up - my fears and concerns have bubbled to the surface.
He will face similar problems in his life. 50-50 calls that he can't see the end game for. I grew up without my father to help me make so many of those decisions. My mother helped me with advice and support when she could but there have been dark times when only my father's light would have lit the way for me.
Then how is it that I came through those times? How is it I come to have an unwavering sense of who I am and my own set of beliefs and principles that guide me through life? How is it that my friends and family have come to expect and predict my behavior so well as I have grown?
I realize that although my time with him was short - my father didn't try to teach me every lesson. He used his influence to give me a few strict principles by which to live my life. Rules that would allow me to learn my lessons without his guidance but would keep me walking the middle of the road.
I can only hope that I can pass on that wisdom to my son. Although, I fully expect to be around as and when he needs me.
Work, home, family, passions, past-times - with so many interests, it is difficult to always have a good day with all of them - but sometimes the hits come hard and fast - and for the past few weeks, the hits have just kept coming...
I won't go into details, they're boring and less relevant than my continuing thoughts on the topic. Suffice it to say, a few things have transpired to make me question some of the decisions I have recently made. Flushed with ambition, and a sense of adventure, I chose a course. Not the wisest, certainly, but then I have always trusted my mojo more than my sense of satisfaction in the status quo.
Strangely, the choice and the reasons for my choice remain valid - I still believe that good can come from it and will strive to make the best of it all. But through it all, I am learning a few things...
Many of you will know that I have lived my life by the mantra, "You condone what you tolerate." This has served me well in my personal and professional life. That refusal to tolerate the slights and insults as I walk through life has caused me to make rash decisions and seek solutions in a 'black and white' way. Someone once told me that I live 'a vengeful life'. I prefer to think that I have high expectations, both of myself and those I interact with... Perhaps, it is a little of both.
Today, in the wake of further disappointments, I was able to take a step back from it all without jumping into a response or making rash decisions. Some of that comes from having Eileen at hand to bounce ideas off (although her Latin blood seems to boil all the more easily now that she is pregnant)... But mostly, my context for every move and decision seems to be Lorenzo's imminent arrival.
You may expect me to say that the greater responsibility has made me see things more sedately or wisely - but it is quite the opposite. I see everything in my day through the filter of how I would teach him what I have learned over the years. Swamped by all the ways I could convey positive lessons and all the ways I could screw him up - my fears and concerns have bubbled to the surface.
He will face similar problems in his life. 50-50 calls that he can't see the end game for. I grew up without my father to help me make so many of those decisions. My mother helped me with advice and support when she could but there have been dark times when only my father's light would have lit the way for me.
Then how is it that I came through those times? How is it I come to have an unwavering sense of who I am and my own set of beliefs and principles that guide me through life? How is it that my friends and family have come to expect and predict my behavior so well as I have grown?
I realize that although my time with him was short - my father didn't try to teach me every lesson. He used his influence to give me a few strict principles by which to live my life. Rules that would allow me to learn my lessons without his guidance but would keep me walking the middle of the road.
I can only hope that I can pass on that wisdom to my son. Although, I fully expect to be around as and when he needs me.
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